What you choose to feel, think and do.
A MUST understand about how we cope in life is that we always have a choice. You choose what you feel in a moment, what you think about that which you see and hear and you also choose what you do in any situation. No exceptions.
Not all choices are what we had actually preferred, but as we took them and not the alternative, we did take them.
We are fully responsible. Let's say that again. We are fully responsible. You can take a moment and read this line, and digest it slowly: I am fully responsible for my feelings, thoughts and actions. How do you feel when you let the meaning of those words sink into your presence? Scared, angry or powerful, excited or happy? Did you choose to feel scared or angry or did you choose to feel powerful, excited and happy?
Personally I get excited and sometimes I feel calm with an "Untouchable" edge to it. I picture myself like in a movie as the heroin walking right into enemy fire line, hardly noticing what goes on around her, only focused on the goal. A bit over dramatic perhaps, but it feels good!
Once you have accepted and feel comfortable with the fact that you are the master of your life, the matter of which choices to make in any moment will be of highest important. You will want to know how to choose the right choice. A good wish.
Don't ask someone else. Only you know what is best for you. Instead be still for a moment, turn inwards as best you can and see yourself doing/saying the first choice. How do you feel inside when you see yourself in this situation? If you feel good, it's a good choice. If you feel awkward or bad it's a bad choice.
If you want you can do the same with the second choice just to make sure. If you are uncertain about your feelings, try again with a slight shift in the image. E.g another setting, other participants besides yourself, your approach etc. Or you might want to try do it a bit later. Sometimes we can try things too hard.
It's always best to trust you have the answer yourself but if you feel you have to ask someone else for their view or recommendation you can if you only use their answer as a guide to your emotional reaction. Say you ask your best friend if you should accept a job offer or not. When she expresses her opinion you should be very observant to how you feel in respond to her answer. If you are happy with it, it was a good suggestion and you know what to do. If your reaction is other than happy and you feel the need to ask someone else instead, then that tells you that you already knew what you wanted and you should follow that which brought a good feeling, not what your friend suggested.
When we are facing a situation where we should (have to) make a choice our attitude determines the quality and amount of choices we have. If we have a positive and excited attitude we are open to and recognize many more successfully inducing possibilities. We are probably willing to try something new outside of our comfortzone, as long as we have the belief that things will go well and in our favour.
A positive attitude in itself is something you choose to have or not and so, it all starts there. You can ask yourself: "If this will go well, what will happen?" You can ask: "Which is the best ever outcome that could be?" and also: "Which outcome would be good enough for me to still call it good?". After discussing this with yourself you have become more aware of your options and more clear over what would be best to work against. It is so much easier to plan or make a strategy when the scenery of possible results are laid out. It's like a map of where you are and where you want to go and the necessary steps you need to take to get there. You will find there are most often more than one way to choose.
To have the map in front of you like that will relax your anxiety and open up for a positive attitude. And when you feel it, grab it.
With every option stop and think which choice will get you to your goal. Do the exercise above to help you decide. See yourself take a step in one direction and notice how that makes you feel inside. Good feeling = good choice, bad feeling = bad choice. When you choose to no longer pay any attention to what could go wrong less of those options will show up. Keep your eyes on the goal, the perfect outcome, and you'll get there as you have made the right choices.
The fact that we are responsible for our choices and thus the results we get will feel as a relief as soon as you have learnt to make your choices based on how they make you feel. It's not likely you will be stressed over your choice when the strategy to take it is based on your communication with the wiser you within. To trust that voice is another choice you have to make. Perhaps you've done that your whole life, but it might be you've been forced to build a disbelief of your own knowledge and wisdom. If so, stop this very moment and close your eyes and think of what you've just read. If you sense even in the tiniest way that what you read could be true then, that is your inner wisdom shouting at you. Listen to it. No one knows you and what you need better than YOU. You can choose to trust that voice from now on. You choose.
Top of YOU choose