How parental stress can occur.
Being a parent can be both rough and smoothe. When parental stress occurs we let our fears take control over us.
If we are caring parents there is a heap of reasons to why things can go wrong and we should worry. From day one the child's health and safety should be at the top of our list of importance. And with every day, month and year new issues show up and we need to take decisions and make choices many times a day. Some decisions can be fault but some cannot. At times we hesitate to make a choice for our child because we are unsure which would be the right one. If we wait too long that might be bad.
Most if not all parents have the intention to be a good mother or father. But to raise a child well could be the biggest challenge that life offers us. So if we from time to time suffer from parental stress then that's to be expected.
When the child is born we gradually develop a standpoint regarding everything connected with being a responsible parent for a child. This standpoint is either exactly what we recall from our own upbringing or the reverse. The ideas normally becomes less rigid over time and not seldom the second and third child will grow up according to slightly different frames of reference.
Have you grown up under authoritarian parenting you will either be an authoritative parent yourself or you will revolt to such ideas and instead let your child do what he wants and take the consequences for his actions himself. You set no boundaries for your child, and your child can command you as he pleases.
Was your upbringing that of permessive parenting you might choose to raise your own child in such manner or you revolt to it and become a demanding parent uninterested in flexible solutions or others opinions.
Did you choose any of these extreme ways to bring up your child you will experience parental stress for every time your values are questioned by the child, which will happen more and more often.
Reduction of parental stress.
There is a golden middle way to go in all of this. It is to always do your best, but to not try too hard. It is important to remember that children need rules and boundaries if only they are well thought-out. And if you care, you will follow up the result of most of the decisions and choices you have made. Watch the young child and ask questions to the older one. What you see and hear is your feedback. Use it in order to make wise future decisions.
Your actions will inform your child that he is loved and that you want what is best for him. Do this from the very beginning if you can. That way he will take your care for granted and when he's a teenager, and you really need to worry, he cannot say you have never cared before. A child that someone cares about feels safe and confident.
A very special kind of parental stress is that of separation anxiety. This means that every time a child and its parents are apart from one another one or both feel stress. The distance seems to depend on the age of the child. A baby can cause separation anxiety being just a few meters away but that distance is unlikely to cause any stress with a teenager.
Like with any stress the feeling will be reduced for every time the separation went well without any permanent marks. So training, starting early will pay off soon enough. In the early years grand parents can help out and later your child can spend the night at a friend from school's house or camping in the garden.
Until the end of time.
Most parents never stop worrying about the well-being of their children although they are grown-ups since long. That's okay for most but you'll have to learn to keep a distance and not interfere when it's not apropriate. Caring should not create the feeling of surveillance.
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