By learning anger management you will improve your life.

There is something about anger that builds up walls. Walls that seperate people. Anger management can tear such walls down and prevent new ones.


What is anger?

Anger is a physical and mental response to a trigger. In our bodies our blood pressure gets higher, also our heart rate increases and the hormones adrenaline and noradrenaline do too.These reactions are all good if our life is at risk; if we need to take action, or to defend ourselves physically or verbally and need power and strength.

What is interesting is what triggers us, or rather, at which level we are triggered and how we express our anger.

The evident thing that triggers us could be just about anything. From a broken broom to the price of electric power to unjust treatment of prisoners.

Since the word "anger" covers a broad span of reactions from irritation to rage one also has to consider how grave our reaction is.

Your anger is feedback to a situation. You obviously had wanted another result but here it is; "The unwanted reaction" and you seem to have no control of it. It makes you angry. Why didn't it turn out the way you wanted it to?

If your reaction to any event is mild irritation you will have no need for anger management. If on the other hand your reaction to an obvious mistake made by a child, is fury you are easily triggered on a low level and should make it a priority to get professional help.

What is anger management?

Anger management will if taken seriously and used properly help you meet situations differently with greater understanding, more empathy and genuine interest in reaching a solution that will work for you as well as the other person.

The goal is to have your mind find other solutions before letting anger fill both mind and body.

Since the reaction begins with a thought or feeling the reaction is a choice you make. It begins in your mind. That means it can be altered, and even though it can be a very slow process to change the way we think and react, it can be done.

Anger is often a reaction of fear, as with fear, anger can be built on imaginary thoughts. When so, you can feel you are under the threat of something you apprehend is unfair or will put you in an unflattering light. You are afraid the consequences will be bad for you and if you are strong in your belief and your spirit you'll rather fight than flight.

Had you used anger management you would have given the situation time enough to show itself completely (perhaps there was no threat at all); considered the alternatives and views from others and opened up for a solution to the issue.

A very strong fear most of us feel, many times unconsiously, is the fear to be separate. This fear is a major reason for anger. It is not only the fear to be separated in distance, but also to be looked upon as separate from "everyone else"; to be different.

Aggression is a most common way to deal with someone who is different. So is jealousy, slander and gossip. They are all based on fear. Fear that he who is different is right or has the right to be, and hence we all need to change to become like him or at least accept his way which means to change something within ourselves. We don't want that because, we believe, change is scary. We don't want anything that is different from what we have now, what we know.

Such feelings and thoughts require understanding and empathy to be altered. Once you have learned to be empathic it's the easiest thing, and very good for your overall wellness too. However, it will be impossible to feel genuine empathy before you have ridded yourself from any feelings of selfpity. If your heart is full of selfpity there is no room left for anybody else. In such cases anger management must begin with work with your ego. Read more in the comming paragraphs.

Anger management techniques.

Although we are never taught, at least not in the western world, to handle anger successfully there are still some who know and use techniques that actually work quite well.

You can express your anger, or surpress it or calm yourself and accept it.

When you express it clearly and controlled, you can state your hopes, views and expectations and at the same time be open to the other person's opinions. This can be learned in an assertive communication course.

If you choose to surpress the aggression you must express it anyhow or it will most probably lead to a medical condition of some kind.
Better then is to convert the surpressed feelings by reasoning with yourself that in order to get what you want you will need to compromise. Become a leader. Change your focus from the problem to the solution you want, and engage people so that the result can be obtained. Express your thoughts and vision with clarity and humor.

As a leader you are open to innovative ideas from others and you enjoy steering the work towards a similar, if not identical result that you first had expected.

Surpressed anger that is not redirected may leed to conditions like depression, hypertension or nervous behaviour.

The most gentle anger management technique is to calm yourself both in your body and then in your mind. Contract your stomach to push out the air there and in your lungs. Let the air out through the mouth then inhale slowly through your nose. Follow with two more calm exhale and inhales. Release tensions in your neck and shoulders. Correct your hips and pelvis so you can relax your stomach.

Feel the soles of your feet against the floor. If you are wearing shoes, feel the floor through the shoe. Feel how a sensation comes through the soles up in your legs spreading all the way up in your body passing your neck and filling your head with sparkling bubbles.

Then imagine a small opening on the top of your head where the bubbles can press themselves out and up like a fountain. Be completely still and feel the relief this gives you.

Now think again on that which caused your anger. It is what it is. Just like, say the Eiffeltower in Paris. Not everybody finds it beautiful, high enough, filling a purpose etc, but it's there. Whether you like it or not. So is the situation that triggered you. It cannot be undone, you might as well accept it.

Let your mind say: Okay, this is how it is. I am deeply disappointed with how everything turned out but I will now find a new direction to move towards; new goals to strive for. I will think out a new plan and act on it.

This way, you'll lead your angry feelings on a path away from rage into something more productive where they do not explode and harm. Instead they will become the fuel for future actions.

Preventive measures.

As mentioned above you are triggered to react with anger at a certain level. This level will vary slightly according to your overall mental and physical health.

With the help of exercises the level can be raised which means that you can stay longer in the calm and happy mood. Interested?

One exercise is the anger management technique "assertive communication". There you learn to express your needs explicitly and sincerely without being bossy and arrogant. Once you master this technique you will become more confident of your communication skills which in turn will dissolve some of the fear that previously aroused anger in you.

Another very effective way to become calmer, with a steady raising of the level at which you loose your temper is through regular meditation. Combined, these techniques are a guaranteed ticket to a life in peace and harmony.

Valuable Links on Anger Management
At Practical Anger Management you'll find the most productive ideas about Anger Problems
If you are concerned about an anger management problem, or want to do anger management classes save yourself some time and great to us first.

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