Practice how to say no with these tips.
To learn how to say no is not done in one afternoon. But that's okay, because ones you've learned it, it'll stay with you. You won't ever let go of the self respect you have gained, nor the time, or the energy. And every time you say no in the future will be a somewhat liberating moment that will remind you of how valuable you are.
Logically it is much easier to say no to anything and anyone if you have a good reason. However, when we speak our reason we open for the possibility of an argument, which is exactly what we don't need while we are learning how to say no. It's very important to understand that you do not have to utter the reason, you just need to know it yourself. In fact, you should not give a reason unless it is absolutely nescessary. This is essential when you learn how to say no.
How to say no to family.
Whether you are a brother or sister, child or someone's parent you are frequently asked to help out in some way from another family member. This is of course as it should be. A family is a support group. In fact, the support group. Other support groups are just substitutes for a real family.
Nevertheless, this fact should not hinder us to say no when this is the right thing to do. For, as well as being the most reliable source for aid when we are in need, a family is also the environment where we are gently directed in learning social skills. Hence, a mother, sister or other family member are supposed
to say no when circumstances suggests it's appropriate. Then if we are rejected by someone outside the family, it can be justified by ourselves and more accepted because we understand that sometimes people just cannot help us.
When we are learning how to say no we always want to lay forward a whole parade of excuses to that two letter word. As it was too short to stand on its own. It isn't. Check this out:
Can you give me a ride to the mall? No. Can I borrow your blue necklace for Susannas party on Saturday? No. Can we have icecream for breakfast? No. Can you take my mother to the dentist, I have booked a round of golf? No.
Try it yourself, it's a piece of cake!
In some families one or more members have developed a strategy on how to always get help. This can be a nuisance to the others. If you ask for a lot then concequently you will get more than those who ask for less or nothing. It could be unfair. But then as a parent you may see that children are different in their nature. One wants to do everything himself while another needs company and the third won't get anything done unless we jump in and assist. So we adapt our doing to the do-er. This can mean that one gets more help than another and it should be okay. To master the technique on how to say no is still very important.
Are you the only one who seem to do things in your family? Invite the others to join you. Delegate the work. It is sometimes better than to say no. Young children are often happy to help and as they get older they appreciate the moments of being toghether even if the shore is boring in itself.
How to say no as a favour.
When it comes to helping people compassion should rule. We are first and formost fellow human beings and if we can improve the life of another then we should.
However, it's easy to be fooled by the phrase "Can you do me a favour?". Not always is it a favour when we help a person. More often the person would be better off without help so he would be forced to learn a skill or understand concequences of his actions. To borrow someone elses car or clothings adds something to your identity that is not you. It seems harmless, I agree, but it can put you in a situation that you're not ready to handle. Equally, when you use someone elses money, as justified as it may be by you, it is not yours, and decisions you take including this money will be colored by the feeling of handling what is not yours. The possibility for some bad decisions is right there.
Before we lend our car or help with crafting a bookshelf we should ask this question. If I help out, what will the concequences be later on for the person I help? Will she have showed herself from a 100 percent true side? or Will she learn what she needs to learn?
It may be the hardest thing to say no to a person we love. But if you'll remember that most times their personal growth is dependent on their coping with the problem. You are actually doing them a favour if you reject to help them.
How to say no at work.
It can be a delicate balancing between pleasing your superior and respecting yourself. So many people are in that situation and it is a major cause of stress. The hours we spend off from work are so important to gain motivation and energy to be creative. We perform much better at work when we have spent time on things we are interested in.
How to say no to a superior can be to give a bit and take some more. On occasion accept the extra work, to show your good will and with that in mind, feel that it's okay to decline on another day.
If your situation permits it, delegate. You probably know who is qualified enough to finish it, suggest that person or ask him or her yourself.
"Mr or Mrs Nice" needs to know how to say no and still be liked by the others at work. It can be a tough job to always please everybody, and yet some try to do just that. Perhaps their family situation brought that upon them and now they seem stuck to the role. All kinds of behaviour can be reprogrammed, and to go from the nice guy to normal is not a very difficult journey. In the happy ending they'll realize their value without the acknowledgement from others.
How to say no to society work.
Many people have both the time and energy to be active in the world of associations. Naturally this is fortunate since so much depends upon people contributing with their time without any compensation or salary. As time passes the workload can grow rather heavy or our life situation can be subject to change and we may need to take on fewer tasks. When we bring it up to our society friends some of them will be dissapointed. Suddenly we feel guilty, when all we did was asking for our time back. When you feel guilt, remember how much time you have put into the society. We all give as much as we can and no one has the right to say we have given too little. Be proud of what you've done.
Remember that you don't have to give a reason for declining a request. Your life is yours.
If you find it suitable you can add an phrase of compassion to the "no". Like this: "I'm sorry, no." or "I regret to say no." or "My answer is no. I'm sorry." Until you have grown more comfortable with how to say it, begin practicing how to say no with people you are less fond of or someone you help a lot.
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